now i know why i became what i already was.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
