Are we in a gay sports bar?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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