Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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