During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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