Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
