i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
