I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
