do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
