My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
