You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
