You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
