your thong is hanging out like whoa
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
