To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
