well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
