he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
