Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
