Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
