is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
