no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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