Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
