hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
