I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
