Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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