before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Boobs speak an international language.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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