a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
