im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
