I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
