i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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