I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize