never play flip cup with pint glasses
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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