hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
