At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
