Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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