He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
