tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize