Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
