On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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