im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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