This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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