i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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