I just pynch a tree in the face
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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