weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
