It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
