If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
