Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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