This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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