And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
