I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
