I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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