She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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