Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
