I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
In America we eat man semen.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
