Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
