You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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