btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
