worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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