I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
