kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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