if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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