Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
