somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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