I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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