my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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