so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
