She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
